porcelain-horse-horselain:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone
“Malfoy bought the whole team brand-new Nimbus Cleansweeps!” Ron said, like a poor person. “That’s not fair!”
“Everything that is possible is fair,” Harry reminded him gently. “If he is able to purchase better equipment, that is his right as an individual. How is Draco’s superior purchasing ability qualitatively different from my superior Snitch-catching ability?”
“I guess it isn’t,” Ron said crossly.
Harry laughed, cool and remote, like if a mountain were to laugh. “Someday you’ll understand, Ron.”

Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.”
Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.”
“But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it.
Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.”
“I don’t understand,” Ron said.
“Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.”
“But they gave birth to y–”
“I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly.

porcelain-horse-horselain:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone

“Malfoy bought the whole team brand-new Nimbus Cleansweeps!” Ron said, like a poor person. “That’s not fair!”

“Everything that is possible is fair,” Harry reminded him gently. “If he is able to purchase better equipment, that is his right as an individual. How is Draco’s superior purchasing ability qualitatively different from my superior Snitch-catching ability?”

“I guess it isn’t,” Ron said crossly.

Harry laughed, cool and remote, like if a mountain were to laugh. “Someday you’ll understand, Ron.”

Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.”

Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.”

“But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it.

Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.”

“I don’t understand,” Ron said.

“Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.”

“But they gave birth to y–”

“I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly.

tahlia519:

utadasam72:

miss me?

did you miss me?

tahlia519:

utadasam72:

miss me?

did you miss me?

porcelain-horse-horselain:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone
“Malfoy bought the whole team brand-new Nimbus Cleansweeps!” Ron said, like a poor person. “That’s not fair!”
“Everything that is possible is fair,” Harry reminded him gently. “If he is able to purchase better equipment, that is his right as an individual. How is Draco’s superior purchasing ability qualitatively different from my superior Snitch-catching ability?”
“I guess it isn’t,” Ron said crossly.
Harry laughed, cool and remote, like if a mountain were to laugh. “Someday you’ll understand, Ron.”

Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.”
Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.”
“But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it.
Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.”
“I don’t understand,” Ron said.
“Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.”
“But they gave birth to y–”
“I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly.

porcelain-horse-horselain:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone

“Malfoy bought the whole team brand-new Nimbus Cleansweeps!” Ron said, like a poor person. “That’s not fair!”

“Everything that is possible is fair,” Harry reminded him gently. “If he is able to purchase better equipment, that is his right as an individual. How is Draco’s superior purchasing ability qualitatively different from my superior Snitch-catching ability?”

“I guess it isn’t,” Ron said crossly.

Harry laughed, cool and remote, like if a mountain were to laugh. “Someday you’ll understand, Ron.”

Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.”

Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.”

“But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it.

Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.”

“I don’t understand,” Ron said.

“Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.”

“But they gave birth to y–”

“I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly.

madeofylvis:

pleatedjeans:

18 Pictures That Prove Technology is Far From Perfect

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 2 MINUTES AT THAT PICTURE OF NICHOLAS CAGE
I SOUND LIKE I’M DYING
I HAVE TEARS POURING DOWN MY RED AND OXYGEN-DEPRIVED FACE
madeofylvis:

pleatedjeans:

18 Pictures That Prove Technology is Far From Perfect

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 2 MINUTES AT THAT PICTURE OF NICHOLAS CAGE
I SOUND LIKE I’M DYING
I HAVE TEARS POURING DOWN MY RED AND OXYGEN-DEPRIVED FACE
madeofylvis:

pleatedjeans:

18 Pictures That Prove Technology is Far From Perfect

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 2 MINUTES AT THAT PICTURE OF NICHOLAS CAGE
I SOUND LIKE I’M DYING
I HAVE TEARS POURING DOWN MY RED AND OXYGEN-DEPRIVED FACE
madeofylvis:

pleatedjeans:

18 Pictures That Prove Technology is Far From Perfect

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 2 MINUTES AT THAT PICTURE OF NICHOLAS CAGE
I SOUND LIKE I’M DYING
I HAVE TEARS POURING DOWN MY RED AND OXYGEN-DEPRIVED FACE
madeofylvis:

pleatedjeans:

18 Pictures That Prove Technology is Far From Perfect

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 2 MINUTES AT THAT PICTURE OF NICHOLAS CAGE
I SOUND LIKE I’M DYING
I HAVE TEARS POURING DOWN MY RED AND OXYGEN-DEPRIVED FACE

madeofylvis:

pleatedjeans:

18 Pictures That Prove Technology is Far From Perfect

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 2 MINUTES AT THAT PICTURE OF NICHOLAS CAGE

I SOUND LIKE I’M DYING

I HAVE TEARS POURING DOWN MY RED AND OXYGEN-DEPRIVED FACE

grimdarkthroes:

realslimcaity:

IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe

I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.
The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 
He didn’t know the joke.
So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.
I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.
grimdarkthroes:

realslimcaity:

IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe

I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.
The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 
He didn’t know the joke.
So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.
I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.
grimdarkthroes:

realslimcaity:

IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe

I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.
The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 
He didn’t know the joke.
So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.
I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.
grimdarkthroes:

realslimcaity:

IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe

I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.
The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 
He didn’t know the joke.
So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.
I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.

grimdarkthroes:

realslimcaity:

IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe

I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.

The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 

He didn’t know the joke.

So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.

I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.

(Source: boiledjeans)

acutebat:

Controversy over shocking people with autism, behavioral disorders

aristoteliancomplacency:

brainstatic:

nudityandnerdery:

Remember that time Gandalf convinced the whole party to flee so that he could take out the Balrog and not have to share any of the XP? Shows up the next session with fancy new robes and everything. What a jerk.

Best literary analysis ever.

Brilliant.

aristoteliancomplacency:

brainstatic:

nudityandnerdery:

Remember that time Gandalf convinced the whole party to flee so that he could take out the Balrog and not have to share any of the XP? Shows up the next session with fancy new robes and everything. What a jerk.

Best literary analysis ever.

Brilliant.

(Source: camf825)

alewat14:

This is gold.

nicoosuxx:

I feel so awkward when I show other people something I thought was funny and I’m like crying and can’t breathe because I’m laughing so hard and they just kind of smile at me like

image

(Source: kaworoos)

annaolphant:

id hit up barnes and noble during the purge